Thursday, April 14, 2011

Wild Man Part 2

Hello again, truth-seekers. I'll save you some time and tell you I was unable to find any evidence of the Wild Man of Beaver Creek aside from some over-turned trash cans and a few piles of fewmets uncannily sculpted into a shape that seemed to suggest a howling wolf. That said, my exploits lead me into the path of something I'd like to briefly speak about today: the so-called Valbrook "Trash Bees."

An offshoot of the typical European Honey Bee, the Trash Bees, or Apis Pergamentum as I just decided their taxonomy should be, are native only to Valbrook. Somehow mutating when they were originally brought here, they quickly moved into the various refuse dumps in the old Valbrook settlement. Of course, it is only natural one of this city's hidden treasures would hide in the numerous garbage receptacles across town.

Perhaps the most defining trait of the Trash Bees lies in their extremes--while their sting is one of the most poisonous and hallucinogenic, their honey is supposed to be extremely sweet. I'd venture a guess this is because of their diet, which relies mostly on the high fructose corn syrup of discarded soda cans. And as I've maintained, these carbonated drinks have a large number of toxins in them. Could it be they somehow synthesize the free radicals and oxidants swirling in these beverages into some sort of psychotropic toxin while turning their honey into a substance that would instantly turn a person hypoglycemic?

And who could possibly gain any nourishment from this substance while evading the bees themselves? Perhaps...a Wild Man?

Tune out everything else, friends. The truth is the signal and the world is the noise.

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