Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Wild Man of Beaver Creek

Good evening, fellow conspirators. Tonight, I'll be hunting one of the oldest local legends: The Wild Man of Beaver Creek.

As you may be aware, records of this creature extend 100 years or more, to the early days of settlers interacting with the local Comachaw tribe. A large, rat-faced creature with a penchant for stealing food from the campfire the moment it became the most succulent. Some tales speak of the creature drinking a potion to double its strength; in this condition, the creature was vulnerable to attack in the front, as its biceps inhibited its ability to close its arms in.

Later, the Wild Man was suspected of murdering all the beavers in Beaver Creek (hence the name). This is a moronic theory, as there are not only Dictaphone wax recordings of Malachi Wolfe "condemning all beavers and their ilk to the Butte Quarry," but also sepia-drenched photographs of Wolfe slaughtering beavers en masse.

So what is the Wild Man? An ancient monster? More likely a scapegoat for guilty vandal tribesmen and Civil War apologists. That said, we'll find out either way once I've completed my investigation.

Remember to set your time bombs before you go to sleep, conspirators.


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